Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Liam's avatar

The feelings you’re having are very similar to where I was at in ~March of 2022. While I was a teen I felt like I was a startup wiz kid destined for TAM and greatness, but after two years of working in SF I had this deep hollow feeling — that I didn’t personally care about what any of what *this* was about.

:s/vincent/liam

:s/accelerationism/startups

:s/becoming_god/being_rich

At Numerai I became a good full-stack and code monkey. I liked my coworkers and the day to day flow of work, but I didn’t care for what we were building, knew that I’d never become a great researcher, and didn’t care enough anymore to become an amazing engineer.

Around the start of 2022, I decided I wanted my life to be oriented around something that I cared about, even if I’m not sure it matters as much, or that I’d be as successful in it. I ended up studying art for films because I listened to the delusion god child that still lived in me, the one that saw every success I had in life as a sign that I could do anything, and it ended up pointing me towards storymaking.

I think this had a noticable effect on me internally (things feel *right*) and externally (girls were more interested in me lol).

I hope none of this comes across as me trying to give advice. We were in SF at different times, with different people, and quite honestly in terms of raw intelligence you’re likely much smarter than me. I don’t know you personally very well.

But I wish you the best. I think the tunnel ends somewhere and there will be light, and that you’ll find it eventually for yourself.

Expand full comment
April Qiu Cheng's avatar

i think my life has been dominated by turning towards and away from feelings and friendship again and again, and at the end of the day for me even though i say research is my life's aspiration (it is) it's really the feelings i've experienced and the friends i made and lost and the smiles and tears that made and makes life worth living (also nice read i rly enjoyed it hehe)

Expand full comment
3 more comments...

No posts