no SKILL ISSUES, only LOVE ISSUES

there were many moments throughout 2025 where i wondered if i was good enough to pull off whatever project i was working on. for instance, am i good enough at writing to produce fiction or am i good enough at research to author a large paper mostly on my own. i think these are natural concerns to have when you get stuck while trying something unfamiliar; however, they made my project experiences more stressful than necessary because i was always questioning how good the final result would be and also implicitly evaluating my self-worth. (additionally, this framing didn’t really make sense as it assumes you acquire all the necessary skills before starting a project)

lately when stuck i’ve been telling myself that there are no skill issues, there are only love issues. as in, do i love the ideas i’m thinking about enough to give them the attention they require? to be sure they’re worth pursuing? to overcome any obstacle in the way of bringing them to fruition?

if the answer is yes, then i trust the love will carry me through whatever i’m currently struggling with. for instance, right now i am writing a story that includes a kissing scene. writing about physical affection terrifies me so i have never done it. but this scene is crucial to the central metaphor of the story, which i am deeply excited for, so i have no doubt that i will figure it out

and if the answer is no, then i probably need to re-evaluate why i am working on the project. sometimes the motivation behind the project is genuinely misguided and it’s a good idea to stop. for instance, my most recent paper began as an attempt to beat an interp technique known as SAEs, and upon further investigation this goal turned out to be ill-defined because there was no meaningful way to determine which technique was “better”. meanwhile for creative work it’s more likely the project has been sidetracked by some kind of external pressure, and reconnecting with my feelings allows me to pivot the project in a more meaningful direction, eg. what happened to this substack last year

(of course, there are also truly intractable research problems where this framing does not help. loving mathematics very deeply does not enable one to solve the riemann hypothesis. but i think the vast majority of people are not working on this kind of problem, even if they think they are)

sometimes love is present but difficult to connect with. the most common example in my life is barriers in activation energy. it was difficult to work at my job for 8-10 hours and then come home and be excited to build a ddr pad or write anything serious. i interpret this as fatigue clouding one’s judgement, rather than a lack of love. i’m not sure how other people manage fatigue, but my main strategies are:

• acquiring energy. for me this often means talking to housemates, playing piano, or dance

• finding a low-energy entrypoint. for instance, i will go to the basement and touch my ddr tiles without building anything or i will read through my draft without making edits. usually by the time i’m done touching my tiles or reading my draft i’ve reconnected with the love enough to want to work

• sometimes i just need to quit and sleep early so i have more energy the next day